Source: google
INTRODUCTION
'The hand that rocks the cradle
capable of shaking the world'. That Malay proverb still intact and timeless in
explaining the role of a human mothers. According to statistics released by the
Family Development Foundation Darul Ta'zim (YPKDT), the number of registered
single mothers from 2003 to 2012 was over 5291 people. Meanwhile, in 2012,
there were 253 registered single mothers below the foundation. This clearly
shows that there is an increase in the number of single mothers in the state of
Johor. This does not include some single mothers who have not registered due to
lack of information or lack of awareness of this government. In summary, a
single mother who is a widow of her husband's death, the wife who has been
divorced by her husband and the woman who leads, manages and raising children
alone (Sufean & Jamaludin, 2006). While Hj. Hamdan (2007) defined a single
mother as a person who has lost her husband by death and had her shares of
responsibility as head of the family to educate their children or even a woman
who is still legally her status as a wife to her husband but has been left out
and about to continue her lives with children alone without getting any
maintenance from her husband.
History
has proved that Islamic civilization centuries has recognized the position and
status of the mothers who a person with honourable position in the eyes of the
Muslim community including single mothers. Islam also give attention to the
rights and feelings of a mother when making the divorced mother is more
entitled to defend and raise her children rather than being a father. It is
also recorded in a hadith when a woman came to ask the Prophet Joseph (2002).
CHALLENGES OF BEING A SINGLE MOTHER
There are many challenges and imperatives
faced by single mothers in their daily life after an absence of a husband. The
economic problem is a major challenge to single mothers. This was stated by
Syarifah (2003) in his study on the problems of single mothers in Sura, Dungun
Terengganu found out that single mothers’ main problem is an economic problem.
Today,
the role and woman challenges are increasing especially single mothers. Various
challenges and hardships faced by single mothers in their daily lives. Issues
and problems faced by single parents is not new but almost every year the media
reported various problems and challenges faced by single mothers. For example,
financial problems, family problems, problems of stigma and support from the
community as well as emotional and psychological problems among single mothers.
In Malaysia itself, most single parents facing financial difficulties to
survive themselves and their children who grew up in isolation. This was
revealed by the Daily Herald Newspaper Online (January 2, 2013) which reported
about a single mother, Jamilah Ibrahim from Batu Pahat Johor who had to work
for 16 hours a day to support her two children are still in school.
Single
mothers also face challenges and psychological and emotional problems after
holding the status as the single mother. Hal also explained by studies Afifi,
Cox, & Enns (2006) who showed that women who divorce are likely to suffer
emotional distress and depression compared with married women or women who have
never married. This applies especially for single parents who have lost their
husbands or death. They tend to feel lonely and void because there was no place
to share the ups and downs, to depend on and get the love (Hamid, Mottan, &
Tyng, 2010).
Other challenge faced by single mothers
is stigma from society of their future. This can be seen in the study conducted
by Crosier, Butterworth, & Rodgers (2007) that single mothers deal with
more trouble in getting social support compared with the wife who lives with
her husband. Next, challenges or other problems faced by single parents are
family problems of raising children alone. It is also supported by studies by
Rohayu, Sharipah, Yusmarwati, Maziana, & Rasid (2000) which states that
teens in single parent families living in the city and have a lower quality of
parenting is risky to get involved with antisocial behaviour.
SEVEN STEPS TO COPING WITH CHANGES
Here are some suggestions to help to navigate the
early stressful days – and when times get tough down the track.
1)
Reach out for support - Your family and friends can be a lifeline. If you can’t get helpful support from family and friends, try seeking
out other single mothers,
neighbours or parents at your children’s playground, kindergarten or school.
2)
Time
to grieve - Whatever your circumstances, feeling loss and grief may be part of
your experience. Recognising your loss allows you to create time to grieve and
cry.
3)
Take
it step by step - In the early days, it can help to lower your expectations
about how much your family can do and how many things you can get ‘settled’ at
once. Put some things into a ‘low priority’ area that you don’t have to think
about right now. See if there are any big decisions that you can put off until
the step forward becomes clearer.
4)
Focus
on what you can control - Some things will be out of your control, like
decisions made by others about your children. Save your energy for the battles
that are worth fighting and celebrate your own daily achievements.
5)
Recognise
your choices - No matter how limited the options appear to be, you always have
choices. Even if you can’t change the situation, you may be able to change how
you feel and respond.
6)
Go
easy on yourself - It’s easy to start blaming yourself for everything that goes
wrong. You’re not superwoman, so be gentle and give yourself a pat on the back
whenever you can.
7)
Dream
some dreams - Allow yourself to dream a little about how you would like your
future to be. Develop new goals for yourself and your children.
WAYS TO HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP
Having a good relationship with children provides the
strongest foundation for their development and learning. Children who grow up
with strong and loving relationships with a parent tend to feel good about
themselves. They are more likely to grow up to be caring adults who can develop
their own positive relationships.
Make the most
of everyday moments
Quality time with your children can happen anytime and
anywhere: talking on the way to child care, kindergarten or school, talking
over dinner instead of watching TV, playing word games on the bus or having a
sing-a-long in the car.
Be interested
Focus on your children’s interests by talking about
their favourite things, whether that’s sport, music, books or how things work.
Encourage them to talk about what they like about their favourite things – but
try to avoid question and answer sessions.
Pay warm attention
Smile, laugh and hug your children as often as you can,
making lots of eye contact. Show them that you are happy to see them when you
greet them in the morning, when you collect them later in the day or when they
come home from child care, kindergarten or school.
One-to-one
When you can, put aside some regular time to spend with
each child. It could be a book before bed, a latenight chat or a game with an
older child after the younger ones are asleep. Or a special outing to the park
with a younger child while older siblings are at school.
CONCLUSION
As a conclusion, there are many challenges that must be
faced by a single mother. But, there are also many strategies that can be implementing
by the single mother in order to continue their life. Government concern with the fate faced
by single mothers has led to various forms of preparation and planning
strategies to reduce the burden borne by them. For example, the government has
provided incentives to Malaysia Power to provide a three-month skills training
courses in tailoring, beauty, floral arrangements, crystal and beads to single
mothers to start their own businesses (Utusan Malaysia Online, October 2012).
REFERENCES
Afifi,
T. O., Cox,
B. J., &
Enns, M. W.
(2006). Mental health profiles among married,
never-married, and separated/divorced mothers in a nationally
representative sample.
Social psychiatry and psychiatric epidemiology, 41(2), 122–9. doi:10.1007/s00127
005-0005-3
Crosier, T., Butterworth, P., & Rodgers, B.
(2007). Mental health problems among single and
partnered
mothers. The role of financial
hardship and social support. Social
Psychiatry and Psychiatric
Epidemiology, 42(1), 6–13. doi:10.1007/s00127-006
0125-4
Hamid, T. A., Mottan, J., & Tyng, C. Sen.
(2010). Keluarga Induk Tunggal :
Penekanan
Kepada
Cabaran Keluarga Ibu Tunggal. Keluarga dan Keibubapaan (Edisi 3.). Selangor:
Penerbit Universiti Putra Malaysia.
Hj. Hamdan, H. A. K. (2007). Kesan Latihan
Ketegasan Terhadap Tegas Diri Dan Konsep
Kendiri
Di Kalangan Ibu Tunggal di Johor Bahru. Universiti Teknologi Malaysia.
Rohayu, R., Sharipah, S. S. N., Yusmarwati, Y.,
Maziana, M., & Rasid, A. R. A. (2000).
POVERTY Alleviation among Single Mother in Malaysia : Building
Entrepreneurship Capacity.
International Journal of Business And Social Science, 2(17), 92–99.
Sinar Harian Online (January 2, 2013). Ibu
Tunggal Sanggup Kerja 16 Jam Sehari retrieved
sanggup-kerja-16-jam-sehari
Sufean, H., & Jamaluddin, T. (2006). Keluarga
Ibu Tunggal : Senario Dan Dasar Sosial
Mengenainya. Institusi Keluarga Menghadapi Cabaran Alaf Baru.
Kuala Lumpur:
Utusan Publications &
Distributors Sdn Bhd.
Syarifah, C. (2003). Permasalahan ibu tunggal
dalam melaksanakan tanggugjawab
pendidikan
anak-anak. Satu kajian di
kawasan Sura, Dungun
Terengganu Darul
Iman. Universiti Teknologi Malaysia.
Utusan
Malaysia Online (Oktober
28, 2012). Kerajaan Terus
Bantu Golongan
Ketinggalan.
by: Noor Fadzilah Zolkifli & Nurul Farahin Ibrahim
No comments:
Post a Comment