Communication among Family Members

Communication is very important for human beings. Communication is about caring, giving, sharing, and affirming among family members. Communication can be in form of words or nonverbal action. Words are the basic tools of verbal language. However, much of interaction is nonverbal communication, for example touching, smiling, doing good things for others and making time for each other.

Venderber and Verdeber (as cited in Ali and Rahim, 2008), communication is a message conveyed by sender and receiver needs time to understand the message clearly and precisely. This statement also has emphasized by Turner and Helms (1988), in which communication requires the exchange of information, communication, signals and messages between people. Communication within the family is extremely important because it enables members to express their needs, wants, and concerns to each other (Peterson & Green, 2009). For instance, open and honest communication creates an atmosphere that allows family members to express their differences as well as love and admiration for one another. 

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             Zhang (as cited in Abu Bakar, Abd Aziz, Mohd Amin, Che Noh and Ariffin, 2011) stated that maintaining family ties are very important. Thus, one of characteristics of a strong family is the member able to communicate with each other. Thames & Thomason stated, “Without genuine listening and sharing of self, member cannot know one another” (2008). According to Mottan, Abdullah, Mohamed (2002), communication within the family context can be defined as exchange or sharing of information such as opinions and values ​​and feelings like love and anger among family members. Ministry of Science, Technology and Innovation (2011) stated that "way of communication is describing the special features of family life".

Mottan and her friends explained, "Communication between parents and child are often aimed for educating, guiding and sharing love". Saedah (2010) also emphasized this point where by "parents need to build a close relationship with children so that they will be able to receive and understand meaning to be conveyed". If the meanings interpreted wrongly, it will cause an increased risk of conflict, crisis. This has been stressed by Peterson & Green (2009) in which poor communication among family members is also associated with divorce, marital separation and social problems in their children. Peterson and Green (2009) support and justify that, “poor communication is unclear and indirect”. Peterson and Green (2009) mentioned that “it can lead to numerous family problems, including excessive family conflict, ineffective problem solving, lack of intimacy, and weak emotional bonding.”

Communication is much than just the exchange of words. It is what we say, how we say it, why we say it, when we say it, and what we avoid to say. It is our facial expressions, our gestures, our posture, and our vocal tones. Communication includes both verbal and nonverbal language (Thames & Thomason, 1998). According to Thames & Thomason (1998), nonverbal language includes posture and body position, facial expressions, tone of voice, gestures and mannerisms and behaviour and actions.

Widjaja (2000) stated that in order to achieve harmony relationship in the family, family members should have good interpersonal communication so that they feel confident facing outside world, controlling attitude and behaviour. Widjaja (2000) also explained there are three factors that affecting interpersonal communication which are openness, empathy to other’s experiences and lastly not hide or defend themselves in the wrong way. Interpersonal communication also helps individuals to understand how and why they communicate in different ways to build community and respect in reality (Tay, 2013). For example, communicate with family members are different compared to communicate between members of an organization or society. According Maimunah (as cited in Tay, 2013), communication is a way to educate people about something. Tay said, "Interpersonal communication will not be effective without the use of human senses wisely" (2013).

The communication process has influenced by several factors such as attitude, personality and relationships (Turner and Helms, 1988). For example, a happy couple would have better understanding on the non-verbal messages. Mostly, children communicate by using non-verbal language, as their level of delivery is limited (Ministry of Science, Technology and Innovation, 2011). Mottan and her colleagues (2002) found that the attitudes of parents toward their roles and responsibilities are greatly influence the upbringing style, communication style and discussion style to children. For example, parents who do not know or have little knowledge of education regarding educator’s responsibility certainly cannot talk about school matter with their children. Therefore, parents as head of the family should plan to make their home as a place for their children feel accepted, safe and so on.

Furthermore, parents need to be aware and be patient with the messages or behaviour demonstrated by the child. Saedah (2010) stated, "Feeling plays a very important role in communication because if a person experiences feelings of joy, this will make it easier for them to communicate or express an opinion." For example, touch is one of the most important ways in non-verbal communication. Cuddle and hug will give warmth to children and they will feel secured when they are sad or disappointed. Even if the words were firm, touches such as hugging will be able to convince a child that behind punishment there is a love.

Communication also plays an important role in order to get information on the role, duties and responsibilities, particularly the aspect of change in children in terms of biological, physiological, self-concept, identity and their role (Bakar, 1999). Parents and children can create a balanced and harmony relationship and create an atmosphere of openness and mutual listening to each other via effective communication (Saedah, 2010). Umberson (as cited in Noh and Yusooff, 2011) explains that relationship and good communication with parents is able to create a strong bond and leads to positive treatment.

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Noh and Yusooff (2011) also expressed openness to share between members of families where parents are more open to communicate with their children than the children's will feel open to share with them. This study supported by Howard (as cited in Noh and Yusooff, 2011), in which parents argue they are more open to family communication compared to the perception of their children. In addition, there is a difference in communication between boys and girls. According to Montemayorn (as cited in Frydenberg, 1997), girls are easier in communicating than boys.

Understanding good communication is very important to avoid possibility of conflict arise in order to achieve a good relationship among family member. This statement also been stressed by Levin and Currie (2010), in which open and easy communication between parents and their children may, therefore as a key to mediating the effects of unavoidable family change. Therefore, compatibility and time spent with family is required to ensure a balance in life.

Parents have to communicate with their children to expose the outside family in a good manner and think a good way of life to help them face the reality. For example, parents have to get into the world of children and try to appreciate the way they see the world. It is also emphasized by the Ministry of Science, Technology and Innovation (2011), in which parents should not rush your child to express their views as the views were stupid or senseless. This is where the importance of communication need to take part in shaping a life of happiness and peace.

There are four styles of communication examine by Epstein, Bishop, Ryan, Miller, & Keitner (as cited in Peterson & Green, 2009). The first style is directive and easy to understand.  This style is most preferable for family members to communicate to each other. The message sends directly and clearly to be understood. For example, when a son was disappointed about his family well-being; he said to his mother “mom, I’m disappointed with our family well-being now. If we try to have a policy to this family, it would be good. I really want our family become a great family.” The second style of communication is a clear message but not direct to the particular family member. For instance, “I feel disappointed when family institution not structured well. In this message, mother did not know that son was referring to their own family.”

Moreover, the third style is direct but unclear communication. The sentence delivered is not clear but direct to the person. As an example, the son could say something to his mother like, “Mom, a happy day comes when people know others feeling.” Finally, the forth style is unclear and not direct communication. This style was unhealthy style and should be avoided in family communication because the message and intended member are unclear. The son could say, “The family nowadays is not functioning well.”

Some of challenges that have been facing by families’ institution are family members are less likely to be closed with each other and role neglected in the family system. These challenges will give negative impacts towards family members such as becoming individualistic person and spending limited time for family and society because of their job demands. A development of child becomes inhibited as a result of these challenges. According to Coleman (as cited in Ismail, 2009), children’s development does not run well because their parents neglected their responsibilities to educate, control and monitor behaviour and activities of their children. This situation influences children to be independently, started to try new things, socialize with peers. This may form social issues as reported by The Rakyat Post (2015) in which a septic maintenance contractor found a baby cutting fifteen at septic tanks.

Moreover, looseness in the family system is one of these challenges as stated by Ismail (2009). Currently, development in Malaysia has provided many job opportunities from a variety of fields. Therefore, people tend to migrate and fill in this vacancy. Migration may affect the transition of extended family into the nuclear family. The bonding between family members becomes weaker. On the other hand, every family member plays a number of roles in life such as an employee, mother, daughter, and friend. They expected to behave in that role and when they cannot accomplish the expected behaviour, conflict within the self or with other people will arise. Simultaneously stress will be one of the factors. The situation in which parents’ involvement in their career that can affect their psychological well-being and their children as well. For instance, they need to focus on child welfare and handle their workloads at the same time. If they are unable to control their stress, it may lead to cases of divorce, abuse, domestic violence and the involvement of children in social issues (Ismail, 2009).

These challenges can be resolved by taking wise steps such, as identify problems. Tellerman (n.d) mentioned that simply identifying and listing out problems could lead to unproductive reciprocal blame games. On the other hand, using a solution-focused approach helps direct the discussion towards a more productive endpoint (Tellerman, n.d.). The problem and goal should be examined by observable behaviours. A solution focused approach encourages the family to think about what each member will be doing differently when the problem is solved, focusing on positive action (Tellerman, n.d). For instance, clinician can ask, “What will each of you be doing differently when the problem is solved?”

Next, the second step will be brainstorming technique. Once the problem and goal defined by observable behaviours, the family can be asked to come up with potential solutions that will lead to the desired result. According to Tellerman (n.d.), all suggestions no matter how outrageous should be list at this stage. He added, “Practitioner can also make suggestions, but it is best to let the family take the lead so that they remain invested in implementing the devised plan” (n.d.).

At the step of selecting and implementing a solution, the family should select a solution that they are willing to implement and shall be done when everyone is calm. The plan should be kept simple and a compromise should be adopted that everyone can live with and agree upon (Tellerman, n.d.). At this point, being assertive and cooperative is crucial thing to do in order to preserve the relationship for future. Moreover, parents should be clear about their expectations but should listen seriously to their child’s perspective (Tellerman, n.d.).

A solution should be sought that embraces a spirit of compromise such as “I am willing to do washing clothes if you in turn are willing to do cleaning bedroom”. The goal helps the family to determine their priority that can help them make decisions beneficial towards the welfare of themselves. According to Tellerman (n.d.), contingency plans should be discussed to consider what the family will do if the plan does not go smoothly.

One of approaches that families can utilize to improve communication is active listening in which parents can be encouraged to engage in “active listening” with their children and teenagers. Tellerman (n.d) proposed that this approach would entail listening to their child and empathetically feeding back what the parent perceives to be the underlying concern. For instance, parents may respond like this “It sounds like you are really upset because your teacher yelled at you” when their child complained about their school life.

Moreover, “I” versus “You” Messages can help to build good relationship. This approach allows parents to frame concerns in a way that does not put their child or teenager on the defensive (Tellerman, n.d). “You” messages tend to be attack messages and are more likely to lead to conflict. For example, “I am upset when you get home late because I am concerned that something bad may have happened” instead of saying “I am sick and tired of your getting home late when you are out with your friends”. This imposes different meaning by showing their concern and loving sense.

Parents should recognize when their kids and teens have engaged in appropriate behaviours (Tellerman, n.d). A simple acknowledgement from their parents can reinforce positive behaviours towards children for example, “I am glad to see that you are trying harder in school”. Their children will feel appreciated, more motivated towards their goals in life, especially in their study.    

As a conclusion,  effective communication is an important characteristic of strong, healthy families. Communication as an essential building block of strong marital, parent-child, and sibling relationships. Families that communicate in healthy ways are more capable of problem-solving and tend to be more satisfied with their relationships.the best style of communication is an clear and directive communication. other style like clear message but not direct to the particular family member. The third style is direct but unclear communication. Finally, the forth style is unclear and not direct communication. This style was unhealthy style and should be avoided in family communication because the message and intended member are unclear.

 

Prepared by:

Aidilla Farahin binti Zakaria

Noor Syifaa binti Othman

REFERENCES

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