1.0 Introduction
In this modern world, divorce becomes one
common thing after a marriage. In the United States, researchers estimate that
40 to 50 percent of all first marriages and 60 percent of second marriages will
end in divorce (Doherty, 2011). Even in
Malaysia also, the number of divorce more than doubled in just eight years from
year 2004. In 2012, a whopping 56, 760 divorces were recorded, which is
equivalent to a marriage breaking down every 10 minutes (Boo Su-Lyn, 2015). Divorces
can be analyzed as events which are decision to leave a partnership and the
ending of the marriage. However, they are often preceded by a long process of
ending the relationship which can include separation from the spouse, stress,
conflicts and even violence (Amato, 2000). As mentioned, the legal procedures
dissolving the marriage may last well after both spouses consider the marriage
ended. Thus, defining and measuring divorce when it starts and when it ends can
be difficult.
The effects of divorce are not only among the
partners but also for the children. The children feel more depress when they
parents get divorce. Many people never want to save their marriage for their
children although their marriage could be saved. As responsibility parent, it
is really important to understand the emotions of children if divorce. Thus,
through this analytical writing, issues raised of divorce, the causes and also
implication of divorce on children also been discussed so that the readers
could understand the impact of divorce briefly.
2.0 Issues
Nowadays, divorced issue become a
serious issues that may lead to a worst impact towards the family structure.
For some reason, children will have an difficult time with divorce. Many times,
parents neglect to consider the ramifications of the effects of the divorce on
their children. Understanding how children will view the divorce and the
resulting parental relationship is an important component to helping minimize
the negative emotional of divorce for children.
Some issues that sometime most parents
did not see it as a serious matter when come to the impact towards their
children. For example, when both mother and father divorce, unfortunately their
children will have an option to be in the development with either one.
Regardless if the father or the mother are the one who ‘make the trouble’ or
ask for divorce, that children will developed and identify their own parents
with same sex. For example, daughters will identify with their mothers, and
sons will identify with their fathers regardless of whether the parents are
divorced, the children will get the message of “don’t be like your father” or
“being like your mother will result in rejection, this will affect the whole
relationship even if this parent’s example has been “bad,” children will
identify, act similarly, and then, perhaps, try to remedy the “bad” that
derailed their parent and led to their family’s breakup through their own
relationships.
Those are some issues that may give
impact or effects to the children. As we go through our life as children who
have guardian, most probably we should see what are the consequences more and
the causes that may effect our family structure and generations. Any issues
that lead to a divorce need to be cured and perhaps could be prevented as fast
it could be so let the children will go throughout their life positively.
3.0 Causes
of divorce
The number of divorce rapidly increases in many
areas as technology developed. As the number of divorce, the causes of divorce
also maximize. Stevenson and Wolfers
(2007) observed that as the cohort ages, men with low education are the most
likely to be single as they enter marriage at a lower rate and divorce at a
higher rate. Moreover, second marriages are less stable and associated with a
higher divorce rate. So, causes of divorce could not limited with one reason
only. Many research been done in order to identify the causes of the divorce.
Ambert (2009) claimed that divorce continuously happen because of the cultural
factors and demographic factors. These cultural and legal factors have made it
easier for people to be less attached to marriage as an institution and
consequently to turn divorce as a solution. Demographic factors like younger
people, low educational levels, low incomes and poverty, difficult economic
circumstances, remarriages, sex ration and parental divorce become the causes
of the divorce. Perhaps as Ambert (2009) stated, legal factors make people
think easily about the divorce when faced difficulties in marriage. Based on
Law of Malaysia, Law Reform (Marriage and Divorce) Act 1976 Part VI clearly explained
all about the divorce. So, people in Malaysia not faced many difficulties when
getting divorced.
Demographic
factor really become one of the main caused of divorce. Doherty (2011) also
supported this by clarified that young age, less education, less income,
premarital cohabitation, premarital childbearing and pregnancy, no religious
affiliation, parents’ divorce and insecurity are the causes of people getting
divorced. The researcher mentioned that those who marry in their teens have
much higher divorce rates. We can clearly see both researchers mentioned that
parents’ divorce influence children marriage as well. If a person experienced
the divorce of parents, unfortunately double risk for divorce he or she will
faced (Ambert, 2009). If the spouse experienced
his or her parents’ divorce, then the risk for divorce more than triples.
Although some researchers claimed that
there specific causes of getting divorce but yet some researchers have identified the
most common reasons people give for their divorces. A recent national survey 79 person found that the most common reason given for divorce was lack
of commitment, 73 percent said this was a major reason. Other significant
reasons included too much arguing (56 percent), infidelity (55 percent),
marrying too young (46 percent), unrealistic expectations (45 percent), lack of
equality in the relationship (44 percent), lack of preparation for marriage (41
percent), and abuse (29 percent) (Doherty, 2011). When this survey conducted
most people give more than two reasons.
The findings above contrast with
one research conducted by Amato and Previti (2003). The researchers found that
infidelity was the most commonly reported cause, followed by incompatibility,
drinking or drug use and growing apart. People’s specific reasons for divorcing
varied with gender, social class and life course variables. Former
husbands and wives were more likely to blame their ex-spouses than themselves
for the problems that led to the divorce. But women were more likely to have
initiated the divorce. As we can see from all the researches above, the causes
all related with each other. The causes may variety but the effects of the
divorce are the parents forget to think when getting divorce especially for
children.
4.0 Implication
of divorce on children
Divorce is much more complex than it
appears on the surface. Ending a marriage relationship is not a one-time event
that occurs in a courthouse but it is a process. Usually, a series of events
and behaviors on the part of one or both spouses erodes the positive feelings
toward one or the other or both. Over a period of time, one or both of the
marital partners becomes convinced that the relationship is intolerable, or at
least is not working. The divorcing couple, as well as the entire family,
experiences a variety of abrupt changes which impact nearly every aspect of
their lives. Divorce is most often an extremely painful series of events.
However, the painful series not even experienced by the couples, in fact it
could give painful towards their children and the whole systems of the family.
As we review some part of the journal,
it could show us more negatively impacts to the children. Most children that
have divorced parent will lost support from home which rated much lower
compared to the children from intact homes. When the parents divorced and
separate, there will also be another separation between the parents and their
children. This will decline their relationship which most children will come
with the problems of their adjustment on which path will they take and get
confuse to stay with either mother or father. Both parents will also have
conflict on their role as a divorced parent and this damaged relationship give
impact to the children where they receive less emotional support, financial
assistance, encouragement of social maturity, affection and support from
family, less of family bonding and also warmth of love and belongings from
parents towards the children. Moreover, children will also feel difficulties in
having a trust towards their divorced parents anymore as mention by Valarie
King (2002). While a “decline in the closeness of the parent-child relationship
mediates much of the association between parental divorce, marital discord, and
offspring’s psychological well being in adulthood (Paul & Juliana, 2001).
In the other hand, less communication
between divorced parents and children will occurs and also the frequency and
quality of the parent-child contact and relationship will leads to decline. For
example, if the children stay and spend more time with their mother, this will
unties the relationship towards their father and less communicate due to less
contact of father-child relationship and vice versa. Moreover, this damaged
relationship will also create more distance between the family members and
diminished their capacity to handle any problems and conflict though some
children will have their own capability and stability to ensure that their
relationships with parents will maintain as before.
Moreover, this divorced process might
also give impact towards the children’s behavior as their family structure are
in chaos. For example, when a children that come from a violence divorced
family, they resolve the conflicts aggressively and will effect towards their
behavior which they will be physically violent towards others too. In addition,
Pamela et.al (1995) said that children
of divorced parents are more likely to be
unhappy, to escalate conflict, to
communicate less, to argue frequently, and to
shout or to physically assault their
spouse when arguing.
Other than the death of an immediate
family member, divorce is the most stressful event that can affect a family
especially the children where they will feel loss as well as anxiety, anger,
and sadness. They may feel fear of being abandoned or losing of their parents' love and the parenting skills of
the parent will be getting worst at the time of the divorce phase where most
divorce parents are usually be angry and hostile toward each other yet the
children may feel guilty about causing their divorce. The children will also
have negative attitudes towards marriage while they thought and attitude
towards divorce are positive. The negative attitudes about marriage will make
the children feel loss of commitment to any kind of romantic relationship with
others and turn the relation to the lowest quality of relationship.
5.0 Reflection
The effects of divorce on children are
something crucial that all parents have to look and give important too. Parents
did not see that effect of divorce lasting until the children married and it
influence the better lifestyle of the marriage. As the family counselor, it is
really important to look up and understand this issue. When a couple wants to
divorce, it is our responsibility to make them understand first about the
effect of the divorce for them and children.
6.0 Conclusion
Divorce is the end of a marriage. As human life
development, the growth of divorce also is increase rapidly. The causes of divorce
also remain same and upgrading with new factors. Although divorce is the end of
marriage but the effects or consequences are lasting longer until end. When
children getting the effect, they unable to express, so as the family counselor
it is really important make the couples understand the effect of divorce on
children. Moreover, it is necessary to know reality and the facts in order to
see and understand the whole bleak picture and are moved to set about the task
of rebuilding a culture of families based on marriage, a culture of love and
belonging. Each and every child deserves it but divorce has pervasive weakening
effects on children and on all of the society.
7.0 References
Amato, P. R. (2000). The consequences of divorce for adults and
children. Journal of Marriage
and the
Family, 62(6), 1269-1287.
Amato, P. R., & Previti, D. (2003). People’s reasons for
divorcing: Gender, social class, the life
course and adjustment. Journal of family issues, 24(5), 602-626.
Ambert, A. M. (2009). Divorce:
Facts, causes and consequences. Retrieved from
Boo Su-Lyn. (2015, March 3). One divorce in Malaysia every 10
minutes. Malaymail Online.
Doherty, W. H. (2011). How common is divorce and what are the
reasons? UtahState University
Cooperative
Extension. Retrieved from
Fagan, P. F., & Churchill, A. (2012). The effects of divorce on
children. Marriage and Religion
Research
Institute. Retrieved from http://downloads.frc.org/EF/EF12A22.pdf
Law Reform (Marriage and Divorce) Act 1976. Retrieved from
http://jafbase.fr/docAsie/Malaisie/Mariage&Divorce.PDF
Paul R. Amato and Juliana M. Sobolewski,
“The Effects of Divorce and Marital Discord on
Adult Children’s Psychological
Well-Being,” American Sociological Review 66 (2001): 912.
Pamela S. Webster, Terri L. Orbuch, and
James S. House, “Effects of Childhood Family
Background on Adult Marital Quality and
Perceived Stability,” American Journal of Sociology. 101 (1995): 404-432.
Stevenson, B., & Wolfers, J. (2007). Marriage and divorce: Changes and their driving forces.
(Unpublished master’s thesis). University of
Pennsylvania, Philadelphia, United States.
Valarie King, “Parental Divorce and
Interpersonal Trust in Adult Offspring,” Journal of
Marriage and the Family 64, no.3 (2002):
648.
by: Atifah Syakirah bt Ahmad Tajuddin (39712), Naziatul Aqma bt Azhar (39876), Yogeswary A/P Balakrishnan (39420)
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