Monday, 25 May 2015

DIVORCE - Effects of Divorce on Children

1.0       Introduction

In this modern world, divorce becomes one common thing after a marriage. In the United States, researchers estimate that 40 to 50 percent of all first marriages and 60 percent of second marriages will end in divorce (Doherty, 2011).  Even in Malaysia also, the number of divorce more than doubled in just eight years from year 2004. In 2012, a whopping 56, 760 divorces were recorded, which is equivalent to a marriage breaking down every 10 minutes (Boo Su-Lyn, 2015). Divorces can be analyzed as events which are decision to leave a partnership and the ending of the marriage. However, they are often preceded by a long process of ending the relationship which can include separation from the spouse, stress, conflicts and even violence (Amato, 2000). As mentioned, the legal procedures dissolving the marriage may last well after both spouses consider the marriage ended. Thus, defining and measuring divorce when it starts and when it ends can be difficult.
The effects of divorce are not only among the partners but also for the children. The children feel more depress when they parents get divorce. Many people never want to save their marriage for their children although their marriage could be saved. As responsibility parent, it is really important to understand the emotions of children if divorce. Thus, through this analytical writing, issues raised of divorce, the causes and also implication of divorce on children also been discussed so that the readers could understand the impact of divorce briefly.

2.0       Issues

Nowadays, divorced issue become a serious issues that may lead to a worst impact towards the family structure. For some reason, children will have an  difficult time with divorce. Many times, parents neglect to consider the ramifications of the effects of the divorce on their children. Understanding how children will view the divorce and the resulting parental relationship is an important component to helping minimize the negative emotional of divorce for children.
Some issues that sometime most parents did not see it as a serious matter when come to the impact towards their children. For example, when both mother and father divorce, unfortunately their children will have an option to be in the development with either one. Regardless if the father or the mother are the one who ‘make the trouble’ or ask for divorce, that children will developed and identify their own parents with same sex. For example, daughters will identify with their mothers, and sons will identify with their fathers regardless of whether the parents are divorced, the children will get the message of “don’t be like your father” or “being like your mother will result in rejection, this will affect the whole relationship even if this parent’s example has been “bad,” children will identify, act similarly, and then, perhaps, try to remedy the “bad” that derailed their parent and led to their family’s breakup through their own relationships.
Those are some issues that may give impact or effects to the children. As we go through our life as children who have guardian, most probably we should see what are the consequences more and the causes that may effect our family structure and generations. Any issues that lead to a divorce need to be cured and perhaps could be prevented as fast it could be so let the children will go throughout their life positively.

3.0       Causes of divorce

The number of divorce rapidly increases in many areas as technology developed. As the number of divorce, the causes of divorce also maximize.  Stevenson and Wolfers (2007) observed that as the cohort ages, men with low education are the most likely to be single as they enter marriage at a lower rate and divorce at a higher rate. Moreover, second marriages are less stable and associated with a higher divorce rate. So, causes of divorce could not limited with one reason only. Many research been done in order to identify the causes of the divorce. Ambert (2009) claimed that divorce continuously happen because of the cultural factors and demographic factors. These cultural and legal factors have made it easier for people to be less attached to marriage as an institution and consequently to turn divorce as a solution. Demographic factors like younger people, low educational levels, low incomes and poverty, difficult economic circumstances, remarriages, sex ration and parental divorce become the causes of the divorce. Perhaps as Ambert (2009) stated, legal factors make people think easily about the divorce when faced difficulties in marriage. Based on Law of Malaysia, Law Reform (Marriage and Divorce) Act 1976 Part VI clearly explained all about the divorce. So, people in Malaysia not faced many difficulties when getting divorced.
Demographic factor really become one of the main caused of divorce. Doherty (2011) also supported this by clarified that young age, less education, less income, premarital cohabitation, premarital childbearing and pregnancy, no religious affiliation, parents’ divorce and insecurity are the causes of people getting divorced. The researcher mentioned that those who marry in their teens have much higher divorce rates. We can clearly see both researchers mentioned that parents’ divorce influence children marriage as well. If a person experienced the divorce of parents, unfortunately double risk for divorce he or she will faced (Ambert, 2009).  If the spouse experienced his or her parents’ divorce, then the risk for divorce more than triples.
Although some researchers claimed that there specific causes of getting divorce but yet some researchers have identified the most common reasons people give for their divorces. A recent national survey 79 person found that the most common reason given for divorce was lack of commitment, 73 percent said this was a major reason. Other significant reasons included too much arguing (56 percent), infidelity (55 percent), marrying too young (46 percent), unrealistic expectations (45 percent), lack of equality in the relationship (44 percent), lack of preparation for marriage (41 percent), and abuse (29 percent) (Doherty, 2011). When this survey conducted most people give more than two reasons.
The findings above contrast with one research conducted by Amato and Previti (2003). The researchers found that infidelity was the most commonly reported cause, followed by incompatibility, drinking or drug use and growing apart. People’s specific reasons for divorcing varied with gender, social class and life course variables. Former husbands and wives were more likely to blame their ex-spouses than themselves for the problems that led to the divorce. But women were more likely to have initiated the divorce. As we can see from all the researches above, the causes all related with each other. The causes may variety but the effects of the divorce are the parents forget to think when getting divorce especially for children.


4.0       Implication of divorce on children

Divorce is much more complex than it appears on the surface. Ending a marriage relationship is not a one-time event that occurs in a courthouse but it is a process. Usually, a series of events and behaviors on the part of one or both spouses erodes the positive feelings toward one or the other or both. Over a period of time, one or both of the marital partners becomes convinced that the relationship is intolerable, or at least is not working. The divorcing couple, as well as the entire family, experiences a variety of abrupt changes which impact nearly every aspect of their lives. Divorce is most often an extremely painful series of events. However, the painful series not even experienced by the couples, in fact it could give painful towards their children and the whole systems of the family.
As we review some part of the journal, it could show us more negatively impacts to the children. Most children that have divorced parent will lost support from home which rated much lower compared to the children from intact homes. When the parents divorced and separate, there will also be another separation between the parents and their children. This will decline their relationship which most children will come with the problems of their adjustment on which path will they take and get confuse to stay with either mother or father. Both parents will also have conflict on their role as a divorced parent and this damaged relationship give impact to the children where they receive less emotional support, financial assistance, encouragement of social maturity, affection and support from family, less of family bonding and also warmth of love and belongings from parents towards the children. Moreover, children will also feel difficulties in having a trust towards their divorced parents anymore as mention by Valarie King (2002). While a “decline in the closeness of the parent-child relationship mediates much of the association between parental divorce, marital discord, and offspring’s psychological well being in adulthood (Paul & Juliana, 2001).
In the other hand, less communication between divorced parents and children will occurs and also the frequency and quality of the parent-child contact and relationship will leads to decline. For example, if the children stay and spend more time with their mother, this will unties the relationship towards their father and less communicate due to less contact of father-child relationship and vice versa. Moreover, this damaged relationship will also create more distance between the family members and diminished their capacity to handle any problems and conflict though some children will have their own capability and stability to ensure that their relationships with parents will maintain as before.
Moreover, this divorced process might also give impact towards the children’s behavior as their family structure are in chaos. For example, when a children that come from a violence divorced family, they resolve the conflicts aggressively and will effect towards their behavior which they will be physically violent towards others too. In addition, Pamela et.al (1995) said that children of divorced parents are more likely to be unhappy, to escalate conflict, to communicate less, to argue frequently, and to shout or to physically assault their spouse when arguing.
Other than the death of an immediate family member, divorce is the most stressful event that can affect a family especially the children where they will feel loss as well as anxiety, anger, and sadness. They may feel fear of being abandoned or losing of  their parents' love and the parenting skills of the parent will be getting worst at the time of the divorce phase where most divorce parents are usually be angry and hostile toward each other yet the children may feel guilty about causing their divorce. The children will also have negative attitudes towards marriage while they thought and attitude towards divorce are positive. The negative attitudes about marriage will make the children feel loss of commitment to any kind of romantic relationship with others and turn the relation to the lowest quality of relationship.

5.0       Reflection

The effects of divorce on children are something crucial that all parents have to look and give important too. Parents did not see that effect of divorce lasting until the children married and it influence the better lifestyle of the marriage. As the family counselor, it is really important to look up and understand this issue. When a couple wants to divorce, it is our responsibility to make them understand first about the effect of the divorce for them and children.

6.0       Conclusion

Divorce is the end of a marriage. As human life development, the growth of divorce also is increase rapidly. The causes of divorce also remain same and upgrading with new factors. Although divorce is the end of marriage but the effects or consequences are lasting longer until end. When children getting the effect, they unable to express, so as the family counselor it is really important make the couples understand the effect of divorce on children. Moreover, it is necessary to know reality and the facts in order to see and understand the whole bleak picture and are moved to set about the task of rebuilding a culture of families based on marriage, a culture of love and belonging. Each and every child deserves it but divorce has pervasive weakening effects on children and on all of the society.

7.0       References

Amato, P. R. (2000). The consequences of divorce for adults and children. Journal of Marriage
and the Family, 62(6), 1269-1287.

Amato, P. R., & Previti, D. (2003). People’s reasons for divorcing: Gender, social class, the life
course and adjustment. Journal of family issues, 24(5), 602-626.

Ambert, A. M. (2009). Divorce: Facts, causes and consequences. Retrieved from

Boo Su-Lyn. (2015, March 3). One divorce in Malaysia every 10 minutes. Malaymail Online.

Doherty, W. H. (2011). How common is divorce and what are the reasons? UtahState University
Cooperative Extension. Retrieved from

Fagan, P. F., & Churchill, A. (2012). The effects of divorce on children. Marriage and Religion
Research Institute. Retrieved from http://downloads.frc.org/EF/EF12A22.pdf

Law Reform (Marriage and Divorce) Act 1976. Retrieved from  
http://jafbase.fr/docAsie/Malaisie/Mariage&Divorce.PDF
                           
Paul R. Amato and Juliana M. Sobolewski, “The Effects of Divorce and Marital Discord on
Adult Children’s Psychological Well-Being,” American Sociological Review 66 (2001): 912.
Pamela S. Webster, Terri L. Orbuch, and James S. House, “Effects of Childhood Family
Background on Adult Marital Quality and Perceived Stability,” American Journal of Sociology. 101 (1995): 404-432.

Stevenson, B., & Wolfers, J. (2007). Marriage and divorce: Changes and their driving forces.
(Unpublished master’s thesis). University of Pennsylvania, Philadelphia, United States.

Valarie King, “Parental Divorce and Interpersonal Trust in Adult Offspring,” Journal of
Marriage and the Family 64, no.3 (2002): 648.




by: Atifah Syakirah bt Ahmad Tajuddin (39712), Naziatul Aqma bt Azhar (39876), Yogeswary A/P Balakrishnan (39420)



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