DIVORCE

1.0 INTRODUCTION

Marriage is considered as a beginning in the family institution. The successful and failure in family institution depends on the individual awareness about the responsibilities and understanding about the meaning of marriage. Understanding between the spouses is very important to keep the happiness or pleasure in marriage world. Basically, divorce will happens to the newly married couples, young married couples, the husband insincere, and spouse with no children and others. These situations make divorce cases getting higher every year. Nowadays, in Malaysia, the phenomenon of divorce has become higher from time to time and year to year. These issues become hot topic in newspapers and magazines. According to Kosmo (2011) every one hour there are three married couples get divorced. Divorce will happens when the spouse show less of the interest in their marriage. Although many people believed that divorce was not a social norm in Malaysia but unfortunately this norm has seemed like a social trend to permeate in Malaysia.

According to United Nation (2011), divorce defined as an ultimate legal separation of married couples under the civil or religious court. It gives the right to a spouse to remarry after the divorce case has been settled. Based on statistic released by Department of Islamic Development Board (JAKIM) showed that there have increased for 105% during period of 8 years ago from 2003-2009 (Simon, 2010).  Other than that, divorce case was registered within every 15 minutes (Kaos, 2011). This situation shows that the rate of divorce more widespread in society, especially in Malaysia. However, in 2004-2012, the rate of divorce increased twice from 20,916 to 47,740 (by Boo Su-Lyn, One Divorce in Malaysia Every Ten Minutes in The Malay Mail, Kuala Lumpur, 3 March 2014).

Based on research by Siti Farhanah Md Sam and Puzziawati Ab Ghani (2014), divorce rate in Malaysia between Muslim and non-Muslim couples for the period of 17 years from 1995 to 2010 is increasing every years. However, the divorce among Muslim spouse 80% is steadily higher compared to those non-Muslim spouse.

2.0 CAUSES OF DIVORCE

Divorce occurs due to various factors. Among the factors that are often associated with divorce are financial problems, failure of a spouse, abuse, misunderstanding and existence of a third person and others. From numerous literatures concerning marriage and family, it stated that the top three common factors that influenced divorce were miscommunication, no longer in love, and financial problem.

Statistic and the cause of divorce in 2004, which was issued by Aminah Abdul Rahman (2004) indicate that communication problems is the main cause of divorce. Communications problem occurs when spouse does not play the role as expected, the husband or wife having affair, nagging wife and husband and wife refusing to discuss. Divorce happens if the couples always neglect their responsibility to manage the family. Most of the victims of divorce stated that the main cause of their divorce was due to no understanding and no communication. There are various reasons that led to no agreement and disagreement occurred among married couples include age, family finances, criminal activities, careers, and many others.

The second high reason for divorce is “no longer in love” and this is supported by the research that had been done by Mohamed Sarif Mustaffa & Samuel Chan (2008). In most cases, no longer in love was caused by marriage burnout. Some symptoms like with little emotional connection, disengaged relationship for partners to pay attention with. Nonetheless, people often stay married due to their children, their religious values, or for economic reasons. This situation often occurs due to one of the pairs either the husband or wife has a relationship with a third person. Love which has been switched to third person make love to your spouse ceases to exist and eventually lead to divorce.

According to Mohd Taib Dora & Noor Baiduri Abd Halim (2011), economy factor, referring to unable to spend lavishly and quickly run out of income also one of the factor that lead to divorce. The unemployment/occupation factor is also associated with divorce problem, especially when it is hard to find a job. Strong financial resources are needed to manage the family expenses better. With this, career is something that very important to the individual. Sometimes being too materialistic and pursue this career, some individuals began to neglect family responsibilities. The financial burden faced by a household can put pressure on the husband and wife in a family. This constant pressure can threaten harmony within the family that led to the divorce.

Next reason for divorce is emotional problem (as cited in Mohamed Sarif Mustaffa & Samuel Chan, 2008). This has associated with violence. Very often, spouses attack each other verbally and physically, and the severe state involved domestic violence. The frequent occurrences of divorce are due to the occurrence of physical abuse. As a result of the pressures of life, most couples cannot think rationally, and often vent their anger against the wife or husband and children. Those who usually become violence victims in divorce cases are women.

3.0 IMPLICATION OF DIVORCE

Divorce permanently weakens the family and the relationship between children and parents (Amato P.R & Sobolewski J.M, 2001). Time spent with children is decreasing because single parents have to work long hours to support the family. The close bonding that exists in the family dwindled and loves is decrease. Children are increasingly distancing themselves and began to isolate themselves. As a result, relations within the family are getting cold and bleak. As a solution, the children spent much of their time outside the home and often are exposed to the negative influences of their friends.

Divorced couples sometimes do not think about the future of the children. They just put their own personal interests and feelings, while children are more in need of attention and affection from their parents for survival. As a result of this neglect, many children lost direction and plunged into increasingly alarming social cases. Stress due to divorce is a difficult thing to be borne by the children. They will find a way out by getting involved in the symptoms as bad as drug addiction, free sex, and many others. This new generation of moral decadence is a loss to the country. The primary effect of divorce is a decline in the relationship between parent and child. Children in divorced families receive less emotional support, financial assistance, and practical help from their parents. According to Surra, C. A. & Jacquet, S. E. (2001), parental divorce often leads to low trust among children. Children victims of divorce would have negative perception of marriage and this will cause them to be afraid to have a relationship. This can be a big issue if it becomes a trauma to the children. They will avoid marriage because afraid that the same thing (divorce) will happen to them like what happened to their parents.

Other than that, divorce also can affect the children performance in academic. According to Mohamed Sarif Mustaffa & Samuel Chan (2008), children with divorced parents always experience poorer scores in term of academic achievement. The reason as believed that both parents and teachers often underestimate the difficulties a child may be having in school or may not recognize the problems. Besides, it appears that children's difficulties with school may be caused more by their behavior than their intellectual abilities. Others impacts for children in divorced family included, separate anxiety, regressive behavior, and somatic complaint and so on. Moreover, divorce can also cause family breakup between the two sides either the husband family or the wife family. This may result in the fighting, which can cause resentment among themselves (as cited in Zulkarnain Yusoff, Wan Fauzi Wan Mamat & Mohd Noor Awang Kechik, 2006).

4.0 THE ROLE OF COUNSELLOR TO DEAL WITH SPOUSE AND CHILDREN THAT AFFECTED BY DIVORCE

In Malaysia, statistics for people divorce are suddenly increased. According to the Department of Islamic Development Malaysia (JAKIM) showed divorce rates is 55,926 cases in 2009 and 2010 (Norhayati Salleh, 2013). Married couple that we expected should live happily, share the struggle to survive, reproduce and be with each of them but at the end come to divorce. This issue gives negative implication from aspect emotional, psychology, economic and social life to the wife, husband or spouse and at the same time it will affect the children also.

According to Harvey and Patricia (2001), the theory that the counsellor can used to deal with divorce spouse is using therapeutic interventions. For divorce spouse that have “separation shock” where they realize that their spouse is no longer with them. In therapy, the counsellor needs to acknowledge and process this sense of physical loss and help client to understand their body habit when having their partner. For legal and economic divorce, the counsellor needs to join the couple to identify and clarify financial issue. The post-divorce where the spouse are in rebuilding or re-established period. Rebuilding is like a process of grieving loss of marriage.

For children that been affected by their parent divorce, their self- esteem may be at risk and the lack of self- esteem contributes to the factor of depression. Children from divorce parent are most likely suffering mild depression, greater risk to play delinquent and have anti-social behavior (Derik Orshell, 2005).

According to the Zuria et al in 2011, individual counselling is one of the ways to help children with divorce parent. This is because school is the only environment where they can receive help from the counsellor. Teachers and counsellors are the first person that can notice the signs of disturbances in students. Therapeutic interventions include counselling and support from school system can minimize the emotional disturbance in the children. The counsellor can used creative intervention such as game, art and music activities to break through the resistive barrier, engage children, express emotion and build positive emotion.

The study from Ministry of Attorney General (2003) state children’s program on divorce and separation is the one way to help the children understand why the divorce happened and at the same time this program help the children learn new coping strategies to dealing with upsetting feelings, parent-child conflict and other stressors. This programs designed by using two forms that is educational therapy or therapy group to help children understand and cope with parent divorce or separation. Second is using individual therapy which involves both parents and children.

5.0 CONCLUSION

Divorce or separation give negative implication to the all of the people around them such as their family, parents and will most affected their children. Effect divorce to the ex-spouse is emotional attachment is ongoing hostility towards their ex-spouse with variety of psychological problems such as depression, anxiety, loneliness, anger and feelings of powerlessness. Divorce process among the spouse will make their conflict getting higher and harder because they must adjust with new life and move on with their life. For the children from divorce parent, they also get the harder time. The children with divorce parents also will worry about who will care about them, with whom they will live and how they have to choose between two parents. They will felt lost, guilty, rejected and unable to express their emotions to anyone and this situation will affect them from academic performance and social life. Their children are the most important person that we should take care because they are the generation for the future. The government, society, agency-agency NGO and children family must support them by treated them with dignity so that the children feel safe and comfortable. The children also should have rights to receive information and to be consulted should be respected.

Group Member’s

Prepared by:

Nor Asmawati Binti Ab.Samat (37605)

Rabiatul Adawiyah Binti Ali Jan (38431)

Molita Anak Tajem (37154)

6.0 REFERENCES

Amato, P. R. & Sobolewski, J. M., (2001). “The Effects of Divorce and Marital Discord on Adult Children’s Psychological Well-Being,” American Sociological Review.

Aminah Abdul Rahman. (2004). Profil Keluarga di Malaysia dan Kesannya Pada Masyarakat. Lembaga Penduduk dan Pembangunan Keluarga Negara. Website: http://psasir.upm.edu.my/2757/1/0411.pdf

Boo Su-Lyn. (2014). One Divorce in Malaysia Every Ten Minutes. The Malay Mail, Kuala Lumpur, March, 3.

Derik Orshell & Hanover College. (2005). Effects of divorce on Theories Relationships. Relationship Theories 1.

General, M. o. (2003). Children's Program on Divorce and Separation. Family Justice Services Divisions.

Harvey Joanning & Patricia Keoughan. (2006). The Divorce Process and Therapeutic Interventions. Family Therapy, 14-16.

Kaos., Jr., Joseph (2011). Every 15 minutes, a Muslim couple gets divorced in Malaysia.

Malay Mail. Website http://mmail.com.my/content/70685-every-15-minutes-muslim-couple-getsdivorced-malaysia.

Mohamed Sarif Mustaffa & Samuel Chan. (2008). Divorce in Malaysia. Seminar Kaunseling Keluarga. University Technology Malaysia Skudai, Johor.

Mohd Taib Dora & Noor Baiduri Abd Halim. (2011). Issues and Factors of Problematic Families in Malaysia. International Journal of Humanities and Social Science. Universiti Teknikal Melaka.

Salleh, N. (2013). Statistik Penceraian di Malaysia.

Simon, J.D (2010). Malaysia Divorce Rates Skyrocket 105%. New Oasis for Life. Website http://lifechanyuan.org/bbs/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=673

Siti Farhanah Md Sam & Puzziawati Ab Ghani. (2014). Determinants of Divorce Among

Women in Malaysia. Faculty of Computer and Mathematical Sciences. Universiti Teknologi MARA, Shah Alam.

Surra, C. A. & Jacquet, S. E., (2001). “Parental Divorce and Premarital Couples:

Commitment and Other Relationship Characteristics,” Journal of Marriage and Family: 627-638.

United Nation (2011). Marriage and Divorce.

Website http://unstats.un.org/unsd/demographic/sconcerns/mar/marmethods.htm.

Zulkarnain Yusoff, Wan Fauzi Wan Mamat & Mohd Noor Awang Kechik. (2006). Profil Perceraian Pasangan Islam di Kelantan. Universiti Tekonologi MARA, Shah Alam.

Zuria Mahmud, Yee Pek Yunn, Rafidah Aziz, Amla Salleh & Salleh Amat. (2011). Counseling Children of Divorce. Learning Innovation and intervention for divorce learners, 21-27.