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Everyone in this
world is dream about their happy and beautiful marriage. Every single family
does not want an outsider to enter to their family and destroy the happiness in
the family. However, there will certain families that will involve in the
polygamy. Based on article Polygamy is a Conditional Necessity, marriage can be
classified into two main types which are monogamy and polygamy. Monogamy is a
marriage between a man and a woman; while polygamy is a marriage between a man
and a few women at the same time.
Based
on the statistical Polygamy in Malaysia, JAKIM, in the year of 2002 the total
of polygamy is 2604 spouse. However, this value is decreasing in the year of
2004 become 651 spouse. This statistic was taken from the year of 1995 to 2004.
There
is certain reason why the polygamy is occurring. Therefore, some of it is to
make the illegal relationship to be legal relationship, to reduce the number of
orphans and other reason.This polygamy
issue also one of the hot issues in the family counselling that handled by the
counselors. Therefore, there must be some theory of Family Counselling that can
be used to solve the problems in family because of polygamy.
From the article
that written by Dr. Rauddloutul Firdaus and Dr. Mohd. Shah Jani, The Positie
Role Of Polygamy in Reducing Women Socio-Related Problems in Malaysia (2013),
they found that there was certain reason why the polygamy is occur and its
positive side of it. In this article, is mention about how an Islam perspective
helps the women to protect their right, and at the same time, can prevent the
wed lock between the couples.
Moreover,
there was an article about the views of polygamy in the Islam and Christian
perspectives. In this article, A General Understanding of Polygamy among UPSI
Communities: Problems and prospect (2010), written by A.M. Sultana and Ahmad
Suhaimi. In the Islam perspectives, if the husband is able to play a fair
husband, it will not give many problems to the family. While, at the other
hand, the Christian Society is opposed this polygamy, because of it is unfair
to women.
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There is no
specific evidence that could strengthen any research because the person who
polygamy or monogamy has its own reasons why they do things that cause them.
According to Kippenberger, T, (1997), researchers say that polygamy is better
than monogamy. The emergence of monogamous marriage is puzzling for some people
who most benefit from polygamy but monogamy main cultural evolutionary
advantage over polygamy is the more egalitarian distribution of women, which
reduces male competition and social problems. Monogamous marriage provides
greater net benefits for society at large by reducing social problems that are
inherent in polygamy societies.
Causes of Polygamy
There are few
positive reasons that has been used in polygamy cases. Firstly, this polygamy
can turn the illegal relationship to the legal relationships. This is because
some of the couple is not able to married because the guy is married. But, in
order to prevent them into the wed lock situation and the girl pregnant, it is
better to make them married. This is because if the surrounding people is
knowing that they are not married, they will look down with this couple. In
order to avoid this, the couple must married with the permission of the first
wife.
Secondly,
this polygamy is allowed if the first wife is handicap and her cannot able to
take care of her family. If this situation occur, the husband can married
another girl to take care of his family. At the same time, the husband also
must be have the strong financial and able to be fair to both of his wives and
family. This is because, we do not want the husband just give the attention to
the new wife and irresponsible to the handicap wife.
Next,
the reason for a man to married with another girl is because of they want to
have more children. This is because, if their first wife have the tendency with
infertility, they can married with another woman to give him child. Other than
that, if the man have more children his life, he will be given reward in his
afterlife.
Effect of Polygamy
There are a few
effect in this polygamy, either positive or negative side. Based on Law
Enforcement Coordination Division someone who wants to polygamy, they need to
be fair in all things. Firstly, a husband must capable to provide nafkah for the wives like from the
husband’s perspective alone without considering the wife’s and from both the
husband’s and wife’s perspectives which means that it is measured by the
husband’s willingness to provide and the provision should be provided according
to the wife’s condition. Secondly is a
husband must be fair to all wives like be fair in providing accommodation and be
fair in taking turns for night stay. If the husband is able to play his role in
fair, the issues among the wives and family member will be reduced.
Moreover, the issues
with the feelings of the first and second wife is also need to be considered.
Most of the first wife is verbally said that they are willing and agreed to
give permission to their husband to have another wife, but at the same time they
are not ready to share their husband love. At the same time, the second wife
also not comfortable to be with the title of second wife. This is because, not
everyone knowing the reason of them marrying. Mostly, second wife will have
more emotional feeling than first wife because they always be called as the
third party that broken the family. Moreover, the relationship between the
wives also not in good, they might be hate each other and do not want to get
lost to each other. They will tried to have their husband attention and compete
with each other.
Furthermore, the
children in the both wife also will be affected. If the father is fair to their
mother and them, there will be no problems. However, if the father is act unfair,
and the relationship between them is far, this will make the emotion and the
dependent level to their father is low. They will not attach fully with their
father and their stepmother. Moreover, the children will also get effect from
their father new marriage, because they are afraid to get attention from their
father due to their stepmother. They will think that their stepmother will get
mad to them. At the same, the children will be independent person because of
their father do not always be with he and his family. The children will be
always with their mother and taking care of her without the presence of their
father. The emotion of the children also will be affected due to the
surrounding. This is because, if the other students or their friends knowing
that they have stepmother, they will teasing at him, this will make the
children emotion not stable. If the emotion is not stable, this will lead to
the depression.
Next, the effect on the financial of the
family will also have the problems. If the husband is unable to support the
family, this will lead to the financial problems to the both family. The
children in the both family might need to work as same as their mother too.
This is to make sure that they are eating and have money to buy household
things.
Application of Theory in Polygamy Cases
Theory
that counselor can used to handle cases of polygamy are
Haley-Madanes Strategic Family Therapy. This approach defines a presenting
problem in such a way that it can be solved. This approach is characterized by
carefully planned tactics and are directives for solving a family presenting
problems. Therapist or counselor uses straightforward directives or task assignments
and paradoxical intervention in helping clients.
The
“pretend” techniques from paradoxical principles allows nonconfrontational
intervention directed in achieving change without the resistance. The triangles
technique are suitable to be used for problems involve the interaction of at
least three parties in which coalition of a two parties against one occurred. In
the cases of marital conflict such as polygamy, the counselor must view this
presenting problem as not merely a simple issues between couples or spouses but
need to look deeper the effect of this problem to other including children,
in-laws and relatives.
Another
therapy that counselor need to be expert is narrative therapy where counselor
focuses on helping clients gain access to preferable story lines about their
lives and identities. The clients create and internalize new dominant stories,
draw new assumptions about themselves an open up their mind on future possibilities
on re-authoring their stories by the help of a counselor.
The
techniques in narrative techniques include definitional ceremonies help to tell
and retell the stories of the clients. Therapeutic letter help extend the
therapeutic session and keep clients connected to the alternative stories of
their own. According to polygamy cases, counselor can ask the clients (spouse)
to re-write their own stories based on what is preferred by the individual
themselves and what is their priority compared to their partner.
In conclusion, polygamy
and monogamy have their differences, but there are some similarities and
differences in terms of impact. As a counselor, we need to see this issue
seriously. Counselor must be to help those who have problems of polygamy or
monogamy. Various approaches that can be used as hold individual or group
counseling sessions, seminars, program about polygamy and monogamy issues.
by,
Diana Layam anak Jack
Nurul Raheemah binti Bava Bugardeen
Nur Maizatul Akma binti Abdullah Zawawi
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